PTB SUniversity 2012
by twilly
Summary: I always though "Matriculation" sounded like a dirty word. But PTB S University took me anyway, go I guess that makes me an undergrad. "Grad" is code for Edward, right? Okay, I'll stop now. Here's where I keep my dirty little o/s and mini-takes.
1. PreAssignment

**I went back to my Round 5 of The Twilight 25 drabbles for this inspiration. Here is the original 100 word drabble for the prompt "Pitch": **/s/7430896/9/Twilight_TwentyFive_Challange

* * *

All the way up to the campground, Edward has been teasing me. I shouldn't have let him drive my truck. Because if I were driving, I'd have something to focus on other than his pouty lips, or the way he sexily rested his wrist on the steering wheel, letting his long fingers drape over the top. If I were driving, he probably wouldn't risk grazing his fingers over my bare thigh, dipping beneath the hem of my skirt.

The bench seat is definitely another advantage to taking my truck over his sporty little coupe. He pulled me over to the center seat before we even left town, and he's been torturing me with his thigh pressed against mine, but I'm going to give Edward a taste of his own medicine.

I begin lightly stroking him though his jeans, and he hardens beneath my hand. Edward shudders as I trace the outline of his growing erection. His breathing hitches as I lean over his shoulder, bringing my lips to his ear. "I can't wait," I announce, in a whisper as I release the top button of his jeans.

I pop the next button, and the tires rattle over the rumble strips as the truck veers onto the shoulder.

"Pay attention. Don't wreck my baby," I breathe against his neck.

Edward gently glides my truck back to the roadway, and I open his third button.

"Watch the road," I demand, throwing my leg over his and crawling into his lap. "Keep your hands on the wheel and your eyes on the road. I'll do everything else," I promise, careful not to block his line of sight.

I dip lower, lightly sucking on his throat as I free his last button. His breathing increases as my hand plunges into the splayed vee of his jeans.

"Jesus Fucking Christ, Bella."

Edward pulls the truck to a screeching halt on the shoulder, slamming the column shifter into park and pulling me roughly under him as he lays us across the bench.

His lips are hot on my neck as he drags them across my throat before pressing them to my waiting lips. His kiss is hard and needy and might be too much if I didn't need him so fucking bad.

I push his pants and boxer briefs past his hips, and he pulls away from my mouth to watch his freed erection bob. He presses his hips into mine, and I can't keep my moan from escaping. He grunts in response, roughly stoking my thigh, leaving a fiery trail behind as he squeezes the back of my knee and hitches my leg around his waist. More open to him, his grinding is harder, rougher, better against my most sensitive spot.

Each hot breath at my neck is delivered with a grunt as I dig my nails into his bare hips, desperately pulling him closer.

He switches weight to his other arm, freeing his left to yank my other leg to the same position around his waist, the heel of my Keds pressing into his ass. I remove his sunglasses so I can see his beautiful eyes and drop them to the floorboard. .

My hands twist the fine hairs at the nape of his neck and his hips slow, and his eyes lazily close. His forehead rests on mine, and he sighs deeply as he slowly opens them to peer into mine.

"How in the fuck was I supposed to drive with you in my lap, palming my dick?"

"Carefully," I say, with a shrug.

He smirks as his fingers begin to graze my panties. His fingers are so always so fucking good. My eyes slide closed again, lost in the feeling as I start to writhe below him More embarrassing sounds escape.

"That's it baby, I love those sounds. Those little whimpers. So quiet," he teases, "But the neighbors can't hear you out here." I gasp as he presses harder. His hips flex against my thigh as he grinds his hand against my center.

It's so good, but it isn't enough.

"You know, when you picked me up earlier, I thought you were silly for wearing a skirt camping, but now I know you're a genius," he says, as he pushes his hand under the band of my panties, teasing me without giving me what I need most.

"Fuck," he groans, sliding his fingers though my wetness.

"I told you, I couldn't wait." I reach for him, stroking as I pull him to me, to where I've been aching for him.

Hovering over me, with one arm braced next to my head on the bench, Edward gazes into my eyes, rubbing the back of my thigh, "I missed you so much, baby."

"Don't make me cry," I warn, slapping his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, baby," Edward whispers, kissing my eyelids. More of his weight presses onto me as his lips move to mine, he tenderly kisses the corners of my mouth.

"We have to tell your dad, baby. It's been three months. I'm not spending the next three, until we go back to school, sneaking around because you're afraid to tell your dad we got married over Spring Break."

"Can we not talk about this right now?" I whine.

"Bella," he starts to argue, pulling away slightly.

Tears begin to well in my eyes again, "Please, Edward, please. We've been home for ten days. Ten days since I felt you inside me," I say, tightening my leg around his waist, pulling him to me, pressing more of his delicious weight against me. I need it. So much. "Please, Edward, I need you."

Edward brushes the stray hairs away from my face, his eyes are boring into mine, I see all of our memories and all of our dreams, and I want them all so bad. Ten days doesn't seem like a lot, but it's forever when you're missing a part of yourself. I see it in Edward too, in the fierce look in his eyes. He wants me, but he's holding himself back.

"Please, Edward. I just need you. I just need you to… fuck me," I say, raising my eyebrow. My lips reach for his; he catches on quickly, his tongue entering my mouth roughly, as my lips slide against his. It's hard, and aggressive, and perfect.

He groans into my mouth as I squeeze his cock as hard as I can, smiling against his lips as he growls. He pulls his face back slightly, and I can see he's accepted the challenge. His hand that had so gently teased me just moments ago, yanks my panties to the side so roughly; I start to slide off the bench seat.

My giggle does nothing to diminish the feral look in his eyes as he pushes me back onto the bench.

"Hold on," he demands as he takes my hand off his cock and brings it over my head, pressing it to the door. He smirks at me as he reaches up to the door, and slams his hand down on the lock knob. "Safety first."

My other arm goes to his shoulder, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. He moans and gives me a searing kiss, as he finally slips inside. He pushes and pulls back and pushes again, never taking his mouth off mine. The thrusting of his tongue matches the thrusting of his pelvis, the slapping of our bodies resonates in the cab of my old truck.

My eyes slide closed, lost in the feel of him filling me, stretching me. His movements slow as he withdrawals, and then forcefully pushes forward. Again and again. Every time, he goes deeper and deeper. He's so close to hitting that spot.

His lips pull back just far enough to tell me, "Undo your fucking shirt."

My hands fly to my shirt, unbuttoning it as fast as I can. Edward's lips follow along the newly revealed skin of my collarbone and chest, still maintaining his slow withdrawals and forceful lunges.

As soon as the last button is freed, Edward's hands pull the fabric of my bra down, releasing my breast.

"Oh god, I missed your tits," he moans.

My hands reach for the center of my bra, and his slap mine away.

"Hold on sailor," I laugh, unclasping the front closure.

"Best bra ever," he says, kissing both of the swells.

Fully inside me, Edward stops. His kisses move back up the column of my neck, dragging his tongue against the spot below my ear.

I wiggle under him, desperate, begging him to move. He bites down on my earlobe just as he starts to rock, his pubic bone pushes against my clit.

I gasp at the sensation as Edward's mouth dances over mine, his lips barely brushing against mine without sealing our kiss, swallowing my whimpers. His lips flutter against mine as he asks, "Are you ready to be fucked?"

"What?" I ask, confused.

"You told me to fuck you," he says, planting his foot on the floor of my truck.

His husky voice darkens, "Put your hands back on the door."

He squeezes my breast as he hitches my knee higher, resting my calf against his shoulder. The shift allows him to slip even deeper inside me.

"Ready?" he asks, with that cocky smirk that first made me fall in love with him.

All I can do is nod.

He pulls back and slams into me, pounding, driving so I have to use my hands against the door to brace against his thrusts. He's hitting that spot every time, I'm so freaking close and his feral grunts are going to push me over the edge.

My arms begin to weaken, Edward leans lower and puts more weight on my chest, pinning me deeper into the truck bench. He moves his other arm so it's holding my shoulder in place, keeping me pressed against him and relieving the stress on my arms.

My head lolls from side to side, his constant hammering is bringing me so close, zings of electricity pulse though my body, and the only sound I can form is a high-pitched keening.

Edward's heated, raspy breath fans across my ear, causing the wispy tendrils that have fallen from my braid to feather across my cheek. I'm so close. I need his dark, dirty words. Or his sharp, firm bite. I just need something, anything to push me over the edge.

"Fuck," he yells, suddenly pulling completely out.

All of my senses rebound, coming back at once with the loss Edward.

"Are you kidding me?" I ask angrily. I've been waiting just as long as he has, and I guarantee he's been jerking off more than I have in the last ten days. I'm sort of pissed I didn't get my happy ending.

"Bella, put your shirt back on," he demands, still hovering over me.

His tone is so serious, I don't question him and immediately start buttoning back up.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," he mutters pulling my skirt over my thighs.

"What's wrong," I ask as I see him desperately trying to tuck his semi-hard dick back in his pants.

I look around in confusion, noticing for the first time, the red and blue flashes reflecting in the windshield.

"Fuck," I repeat Edward's expression. I say a quick prayer and cross myself, even though we're not Catholic, that it's not my dad standing on the other side of that window.

Edward does his best to protect my modesty, as he pulls me to a sitting position.

I whisper, "I love you," to give him courage. Somehow I know he's going to be the one that bears the biggest brunt of our actions.

Edward rolls down the window, "Hello, officer."


	2. Ficology

**Project Team Beta Smut University 2012: ****Ficology: The Human/Vampire Reproductive System**

**Homework:** Write a lemon using a Karma Sutra position you've never come across in a fic before

My position: Sofa Spread Eagle. You can google it ;)

* * *

"Edward!" I squealed as I ran down the hall.

Quick cutting moves around the boxes were my only chance of outrunning him.

I rounded the corner to the living room and jumped on our couch, but he was in front of the couch before I actually landed.

"Bella," his deep, husky voice warned teasingly.

"Edward." I batted his hand from my bare thigh with a smile.

"You said as soon as they left, we could do it on every surface in the new apartment." He crossed his arms over his chest and pouted.

"We already did it in the office. And the stupid laundry closet. Do you know how cold the washer was against my stomach?" I danced a bit, shifting my weight from foot to foot so I could make my getaway if he made another grab for me.

He stuck his pouty lip out because he knew I couldn't resist it.

"Oh my god. You're such a baby!" I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him to me. He unfolded his arms and wrapped them around my waist squeezing me as he nuzzled my boobs.

I could feel vibrations in my chest as he hummed against my breastbone as I lightly scratched his scalp.

"You're the smartest woman in the world," he said as he kissed the swell of my breast and then my collarbone and neck.

"I am?" I said more as a breathy moan than a question.

"Uh-huh." He stretched up to kiss my neck. "You were the one who banned all clothing until Monday morning."

I cradled his face in my hands, bringing my mouth to his. Just before I pressed my lips to his, I whispered, "We should never wear clothes again."

He groaned in agreement, opening his mouth to mine. His fingertips burned a trail as he dragged them down and wrapped them around the backs of my legs, lightly grazing, exploring for wetness I was sure he'd find.

His fingers on my still sensitive flesh were amazing, and lost in the feeling, I lolled my head back, breaking our kiss.

"We can, you know." He peppered my chest with slow, sweet kisses. "We never have to wear clothes again at home because this is _our_ apartment. Just you and me. No parents. No brothers. No roommates. Just you and me."

Edward's mouth moved to my breast, licking and sucking in a rhythm that mimicked the strokes of his fingers at my center. My hands moved to his hair, holding him closer to my chest.

"Edward." I was nearly panting. "Oh god."

I felt him smile. "Yes?"

"I'm going to…I'm…I'm going to again."

"You're going to what?" Still maintaining the delicious pace of his fingers, he turned his attention to my other breast.

I gasped at the new sensation, and he bit down in response causing me to tug on his hair.

"Please."

"Please what, Bella?"

"Jesus Edward, I'm so…I want you inside me. Please," I begged.

"But you said…"

I tugged on his hair, bringing his face up to mine, and stared into his emerald eyes, begging him to see my need, begging him to help me. "Please."

A victorious smile crossed Edward's face. "I could never say no to you."

I tried to wrap one of my legs around his waist so that he could carry me to the next 'surface', but he pushed it away, setting my foot back down on the seat cushion.

I looked at him, confused. His eyes twinkled with mirth as they bored into mine. "Here."

"Here?" _On the couch?_ We've done it plenty of times on the couch. "Okay," I shrugged, trying to lower myself to my knees so I could lie down.

"No. Like this. Standing up." He was kissing up and down the column of my neck. I'd pretty much agree to anything at this point. But we'd tried standing up before.

"Edward, you know that doesn't work. I'm too short; we don't line up."

"You're taller now."

I looked down at my feet on the sofa and back to Edward. I was taller, much taller than Edward.

"Unless, all of a sudden, you have a thirteen inch dick, this isn't going to work either."

Edward smirked. His fingers stopped their stroking, and he trailed his hand down my leg, pulling it out, so it was on the other cushion.

"Spread your legs." Edward's voice was dark and demanding. It sent fantastic shivers down my spine; I think I'd do anything he told me to in that voice.

He repeated the action, spreading me wider, setting my other foot on the far cushion. His hands kneaded my inner thighs, slowly inching their way upward until his fingers could tease my entrance again.

Perched on the front edge of the sofa, with my feet so far apart, aligned me perfectly with Edward. I gently nipped at the salty skin of his throat. I could feel the vibrations of his deep groans on my lips.

He slid past my entrance in long, slow strokes that set me on fire, but it wasn't enough.

"Please." I pulled his face to meet mine so he could see the need in my eyes. "Please."

"Hold on to my shoulders."

With his grip on my thighs, he tilted my hips, and pushed against my opening, ducking his head to watch. I watched his eyes, the way his eyebrows knitted together and relaxed with the smallest advance until I couldn't take it anymore and closed my eyes.

I rested my forehead against his shoulder, breathing in his scent and focusing on the feel of him sliding deeper and deeper.

My head lolled, and my mouth reached blindly for something, anything to latch on to, to connect with him the way my chest, abdomen, and _we_ were connected, the way we were connected inside of me.

My lips found the pulse on his neck, and I alternated between warm open mouth kisses and sucking that would definitely leave a mark as he slowly buried himself deeper and deeper.

"Ffff…ffffuuu…ohhhh."

"Say it Baby. I love it when you talk dirty."

My nails dug into his shoulder as I felt his pelvis meet mine, his pubic bone pushing against my clit so perfectly.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Oh god that's so good."

"Who's so good?" Edward asked, pulling back minutely. My forehead was pressed into his jaw, and I could feel him smile. But the sensation was still too much; I couldn't open my eyes. It was too much, but it was perfect.

Edward's movements stopped. He wanted an answer.

"Fuck…Ed..ward. You're so fucking good." Edward pushed back, hitting both fucking spots. I squeaked.

"Damn right."

His fingers never stopped massaging my inner thighs as his slow, shallow thrusts took me higher and higher. I expected hard, forceful sex like the other two times earlier today, but this was slow and languorous but so intense. It was like a pulse hitting that secret spot deep inside that some women deny and the one outside that every woman knows.

New waves of euphoria came with every push. Pulses of energy zinged to every part of my body. My legs quivered and my arms, clinging so desperately to Edward's shoulders neck and upper back, shook. I couldn't lift my head from his chest.

High pitched, keening sounds escaped with my breath, but they made no words. I came or I was coming or I had come, multiple times, I couldn't tell. I cried out one last time, wanting to push Edward away or pull him closer. I wasn't sure which. But I didn't have the strength for either. Edward caught me and lowered me to the couch.

I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest. I don't know how long I laid on the couch, unmoving, trying to catch my breath. When I finally opened my eyes, it took several blinks before I could focus on Edward's beautiful face hovering over mine.

"Oh my god Baby, that was…I…did you even come?" I asked, looking at his semi hard erection, then back to his beautiful green eyes.

He nodded and rolled to his side, settling between me and the back of the couch and pulling me into his arms. "I did, but I was about to come again."

"Bullshit," I scoffed.

"Baby, you know I'm a stud."

"Whatever." I slapped his chest playfully. "You're so full of yourself."

"Well, a minute ago, you were full of me," he quipped back.

I rolled my eyes. "That was freaking fantastic. How did you…how did you know to do it like that?"

Edward's face reddened; he looked down for a moment then back to me. "I read it in the magazine you left in the bathroom."

"You read my Cosmo?"

"Yeah. Half of that thing is about sex. And the other half is ads showing barely dressed people."

"Oh my god. Please tell me you're not using Cosmo to jerk off."

"Never! I only think of you when I'm spanking the monkey," he said with a wink.


	3. The Non Completely Gratuitous Lemon

Smut University—The Non (Completely) Gratuitous Lemon by LyricalKris

One of your couple is hiding something. The guilt is eating them alive. It leaks into everything, bleeds into what should be a moment of passion, of love. They try to lose themselves in the moment, the pleasure, but they can't.

Extra credit: Write your lemon without the use of graphic words: cock, penis, vagina, hole, pussy, insert, etc. Try to write the act with emotion rather than play by play description.

* * *

"Lucy, I'm home," Edward calls, as I hear him drop his bag in the hallway.

I take a deep breath. I can do this. I can seduce my best friend. I can convince him to keep doing whatever it is that we're doing and not go back to her.

"Dinner's almost ready. Go sit at the table."

"What's going on?" His voice gets louder as he approaches the kitchen.

"No!" I shout, sticking my head out of the doorway. "Sit at the table. I'm almost ready."

I can't quite hear what he's mumbling, but the sound of his footsteps stop in the dining area.

I tug my frilly apron so it covers all the right parts, and take another deep breath. Picking up the small platter of appetizers, I round the corner to the dining room. Time stops for a moment. Edward has already taken his jacket and tie off and hung them on the back of the chair. His sleeves are rolled up to his elbows, and the two top buttons at this collar are undone.

He gives me a double take before his eyes roam down my body and back up. When his eyes meet my face, they bore into mine. His normally grey-green irises deepen, the graphite lost in the dark viridian.

One side of his mouth rises in a smirk as he stands and crosses to me in a single stride. I hold the platter to the side to accommodate him. He stands close, too close, so that he has to look down at me. I follow his finger as he lifts it and glides it along the bib of my apron, before dipping in and pulling the fabric back.

I flash him a smirk of my own when I hear him gulp. "What do you have on under there?"

It makes me feel bold and empowered. I can do this.

My free hand pushes him back toward his chair. "No cheating, Edward. You have to stay in your seat until you eat all of your dinner."

He sticks his bottom lip out like a little boy who's been scolded as he goes back to his chair.

"Our first course," I announce, setting the platter in the middle of the table. I turn to give him a perfect back view, covered by my bra and panties. He groans, and I look over my shoulder to warn him to stay in his chair as I purposefully sashay to my spot across from him.

"I want you," he blurts out.

"After dessert." I say, sounding much more confident than I feel.

"Fuck dessert."

I shake my head at his impatience, and pick up one of the bacon wrapped figs from the center of the table. "Do you know what appetizers are for?" I arch my eyebrow as I bring the morsel up to my mouth.

Edward is staring at my mouth. "They're used to whet your appetite, to make you want more," I nearly whisper.

I close my eyes, enjoying the taste and texture and taking a moment to pat myself on the back. "Try one."

Edward plucks one off the platter, and tosses it in his mouth whole. He keeps eye contact as he chews.

"How is it?"

"Amazing," he says still staring at me. It feels like he's not talking about the fig.

I feel my ears heat up with my blush. My confidence falters a bit, but I quickly stand and take the plate from the table. "Time for the second course."

I exaggerate the swing of my hips as I walk to the kitchen.

As soon as I clear the doorway, I take a few raged breaths. It seems to be going well. I pull the apron over my head, tossing it on the counter and run my fingers though my hair a couple of times. I need to be bolder as the courses continue. The wine is breathing on the counter, I pour half a glass and swallow it in one gulp. I already feel bolder.

I roll my shoulders and step back into the dining room.

Edward's eyes are all over me. His mouth is parted in surprise, but he is otherwise completely still. I set my plate down and then his, giving him a moment to appreciate my freshly waxed and buffed body.

"Didn't I tell you? With every course, I lose an article of clothing."

Edward looks me over again; I can tell he's counting.

"How many courses are there?"

"Four."

"Are your shoes one item or two?"

I snicker at the thought of my trying to serve dinner with one leg four inch longer than the other one. "The heels don't count, they stay on," I winked at him.

Before I could sit down, Edward is shoveling his salad in his mouth as fast as he can. His eyes meet mine and his gaze never breaks as he clears his plate and sets his fork down. I've only taken two bites; his eagerness overshadows my nervousness.

He reaches for me as I clear his plate, but I quickly spin away from him and retreat to the kitchen.

In the safety of the kitchen, I smile to myself. It's working. Edward is showing great restraint playing along, but I know my best friend well enough to know he's pretty close to losing it.

I'm so encouraged by his reaction, removing my bra doesn't even phase me. I grab two dishtowels so I can pull our meal out of the warming oven. I confidently stroll into the dining room, setting my plate down before I present his.

Before I can escape to my side of the table, his arm wraps around my waist and pulls me closer. I manage to whisper, "Our main course," as he nuzzles my bare breast.

He inhales deeply, "Smells fucking amazing." He looks up at me with so much desire in his eyes that I almost give in. Bringing my hand to his cheek, I gaze back into his eyes and beg him silently, "Choose me. Choose me," about a choice he doesn't know he has. His eyes search my face. He knows something's up. My lips pass over his, so close to touching, but not. "After dessert."

I quickly twist out of his grip and sit across from him.

He eyes me suspiciously. "Not that I'm complaining, because I really like this four course strip tease; but what's up?"

"Nothing. I just thought we'd try something different," I shrug. I concentrate on keeping my breathing normal. I look down at my plate, hiding a little from his piercing glare.

"No. There's more. You've been acting weird for a couple of weeks."

I have to stay calm. Edward has an uncanny way of telling exactly what I'm feeling, sometimes even before I know. But this time I do know. I can't show him how freaked out I am, he'll zero in on my panic and I'll confess and then it'll be the end of me. Of us.

His eyes narrow, he's looking for signs, for little weaknesses he can exploit to get what he wants. He hasn't touched his plate. His dinner fork is still in its place on the table.

"Don't you like it?" The vulnerability in my voice is real. I hope Edward will assume it's about my cooking.

"You're deflecting. You're buttering me up with my favorites. And trying to distract me with your perfect tits."

"I'm not," I defend, reaching for my water glass.

"You haven't touched your wine."

His observation startles me. I really haven't had time. I've only eaten a couple of bites. And I've been sipping wine in the kitchen between courses, not that he'd know that.

"You haven't touched your wine, and you've been acting sketchy for weeks."

"I have not," I snap back, and then it occurs to me what he's thinking. "Oh my god, you think…I'm…I'm not pregnant!"

I watch the relief cross his face, before his brows furrow in irritation. "It could happen; birth control isn't a hundred percent effective."

"Well it hasn't." I've thought of having his perfect little babies before. But not in this situation. Not with our relationship being this confused, undefined mess.

I pick up my fork and start picking at my salmon. Edward does the same. The non-existent pregnancy scare seems to have sidetracked his investigation for now. Edward is all appreciative groans and light conversation.

"Do you know how hard it is to sit here and pretend you're not sitting over there practically naked?"

"Hard?" I snicker.

"So fucking hard," he quips back as his hand drops under the table to adjust himself.

"I'll go get dessert," I say, rushing to clear his plate.

I'm warming the sauce in the kitchen when I hear a bang and then something scraping across the floor.

I'm so harried I almost forget to remove my last layer. Although, I'm not sure it'll be much different than the topless main course because the table will cover my lower half. Well, except for when I deliver the dessert. I decide on another half glass of wine before my final entrance.

I walk into the room and immediately notice Edward's impish grin. Even though his eyebrows raise when he sees me, his cheeky grin remains. I follow his line of sight as his eyes dart from me to my chair. My chair that is missing.

"Where's my chair?"

"I don't know. But you can sit here," he says as his pats his lap.

I raise an eyebrow and his grin gets bigger, goofier.

He pats his thigh again.

"Is that what the noise was, you hiding my chair?" I ask, stepping toward him.

His tongue peeks out to wet his bottom lip. "I don't know what you're talking about." He scoots his chair back, so there's room for me to sit on his lap.

I gasp at what I see.

"Cheater," I say as I slide my arm around his neck and sit across his lap, careful to avoid his little friend peeking out of the splayed opening of his work slacks.

He shrugs without remorse. "The crash you heard earlier? I forgot my pants were undone and I tripped on them," he admits without embarrassment.

"How long have you been like this?"

"Hard? Since to moment I saw you tonight," he says against my shoulder, nipping it for emphasis. "Or do you mean, how long since I 'Freed Willy'?"

"Oh my goodness." I rolled my eyes. "Yes, how long since you let "Willy' out of captivity?" I graze my nails up the underside of his exposed length.

His entire body shudders, and he groans deeply, trailing his hand along the inside of my thigh. This is when it's perfect, when he's holding me like this, when I feel like I'm his whole world. I have to make him love these times as much as I do.

He inhales deeply, his nose following the line of my jaw until his lips are just below my ear. I feel him smile against my neck, "Since before the main course."

My eyebrows shoot up, and I draw my head back in surprise. "You had your pants open the entire main course?"

He nods his head as his hand slides closer and closer to my center. The tips of his fingers reach out, tentatively seeking, but not quite exploring. I want to turn on my hip, straddle him, open myself to him; but I need to stay in control. I need him to be the one who begs.

I move his hand to the outside of my thigh, reminding him, "After dessert."

He sticks his bottom lip out in a fake pout, and I giggle as I reach for my desert. My eyes slide closed as the cool cream and warm sauce mingles on my tongue. Edward's hands skate across my hip and thigh, and he's completely fixated on the spoon as I bring it to my mouth. The moan that escapes is not feigned for his benefit.

His hands are busy, and I don't want to take them from their course, so I offer my spoon to Edward. His eyes never leave mine as he parts his lips so I can slip the sweet concoction into his mouth.

"Delicious," he mummers, his lips barely grazing mine.

I nod, offering him more. His resonant moans and sultry gaze reverberate though my body. I wriggle in his lap, trying desperately to relieve some of the tension pooling low in my belly.

Edward resumes his circuit on the inside of my thigh. My movement and his ministrations have me more open, but his teasing fingers never slip deeper.

Another bite and he asks, "Aren't you going to have any?"

"Hmmm, good idea." I lick his bottom lip, tasting a hint of chocolate. He opens his mouth to mine; I pull more of the treat from his tongue, sliding and sucking until his mouth tastes more like him than the dessert.

"That was fucking fantastic," Edward says, pulling on my bottom lip, sucking roughly.

My moan is the only response I can muster, my brain no longer has the capacity for words. As far as I'm concerned, dessert is over.

I lift my leg, and turn my hip, mounting his thighs. I can wait, I've manage to tease myself into a frenzy, and I won't make it to the bedroom. I reach for him, stroking but his hand stills mine.

"After dessert," he commands lowly.

"Dessert is over." I'm desperate and maybe a bit pouty.

An amazing, victorious smile crosses his face. "My dessert is gone. You haven't touched yours yet."

I want to watch you eat it. I want to watch you wrap you perfect fucking lips around the spoon and suck it off."

_Is he trying to kill me saying stuff like that, in that voice?_ I hold his face in my hands, and slam my mouth to his. My hips move to the same thrusting rhythm on my tongue. Without breaking the heated kiss, Edward stills my hips.

Desperate for air, I pull away and rest my forehead on his shoulder, panting and gasping for air. I want him so much, I want him always. Lauren creeps into my thoughts. I squeeze my eyes closed, pushing her out of my head. I want to be in the moment with him. He deserves that. I want to give that to him. Always.

My breathing finally slows, and I open my eyes to see his beautiful emerald eyes staring back with a hint of concern. I smile, letting him know I'm okay and that the intensity is back.

"Let's go to the bedroom," I beg in my most seductive voice.

His smile is full of mirth. "After dessert."

"I'm beginning to regret ever telling you that."

"Good."

I twist to retrieve my untouched dessert glass and slowly dip the spoon, gathering as much as I can in the bowl of the spoon, bringing it to his lips.

He shakes his head. "That's yours."

His hands wrap around my thigh, and he's stroking the juncture of my legs with his thumbs. It's driving me crazy. I want him to stop, yet I want him to do it more at the same time.

I move the heaping spoonful towards my lips. I slowly open my mouth, keeping eye contact, and just as the spoon touches my lip, Edward pushes his fingers into my entrance and brushes my clit.

"Fuck." I drop the spoon and it skitters down my chest, leaving a messy trail of dessert from my chin to my belly button.

"Jesus, Bella, so fucking wet."

Edward keeps his fingers sliding in and out of me while I try to gather the mess from my torso. He laughs at my attempts, so I take what I have in my fingers and shove it in his mouth. He sucks on them hard and I start to push back against his hand.

Edward roars, "Fuck," and pulls his fingers from me, using his forearm to sweep the table clear as he stands and pushes me down to the table, entering me fully in one fantastic moment.

He thrusts so hard, I have to wrap my fingers around the edge of the table to keep from being pushed off.

He slams into me four or five more times, sending thrills of electricity zinging throughout my body. His manic pumping slows, and he leans over me, his eyes feral. "You missed some," he whispers, sucking my chin forcefully.

I love Edward. Even when he is wild with need, he is tender and caring. He's all I want and all I'll ever want. I want him to want me back like that. _Please Edward. Want __me__ back._

"Bedroom?" Edward asks as he toes off his shoes and kicks his pants away.

I nod.

"Hold on," Edward says, as he adjusts my legs around his waist. I lock my ankles and wrap my arms around his neck. Edward carries me into the bedroom still inside of me. Each step he takes is like a delicious little tease.

We reach the bed, and he collapses on me as he lays me down. My legs fall to the side as his lift up pulling most of his weight off me, bracing himself on his elbows. "Shit, are you okay?"

I nod. "Perfect." It's true. He is perfect. He's been my best friend for so long, my life would be missing something without him. As a lover, I don't _want_ my life without him. I'd take any of his weight, it could crush me flat and I'd still take more. I take a deep breath to stave off the tears welling in my eyes.

Edward's thumbs brush my temples. The concern on his beautiful face is not helping to keep the tears at bay. "Bella…"

I shake my head. I can't bear him to ask again, I'll fall apart.

"I'm fine," I lie, reaching up to his face, and smoothing the crease between his eyebrows. I love his eyebrows, they're thick and so expressive. They are so much a part of Edward, and I would never ask him to change them like she did. _Please choose me._

"Please, just fuck me," I beg, tilting my hips below him.

He raises one eyebrow, silently asking for reassurance.

I grab his ass and pull him deeper into me.

He pulls back and slams into me forcefully repeatedly. It's hard and fast and deep and it's so fucking good, I can't keep my eyes open.

Fervid electricity courses though my entire body, kindled by his thrusting and my writhing; his deep grunting and the lewd sounds of our bodies slapping together. Even the acrid smell of his exertion excites my senses.

Edward lifts my legs higher and pushes them down to the bed, lifting my hips off the bed and spreading me wider. He plunges deeper with the new angle. My right hip screams with pain but I gladly bear it in exchange for the feel of his weight on the back of my thighs and the exquisite friction.

"Fuck, Bella," Edward growls as he drops my right leg. "Why didn't you remind me? I forgot about your hip."

My eyes shoot open. The worry on his face is almost too much to take; I close my eyes to avoid it. "I was distracted," I tease, shrugging a shoulder.

"You were distracted, huh?" Edward puffs his chest out with pride.

I laugh at his machismo.

He smiles brilliantly and brings his face to mine, kissing the corner of my mouth twice before fully taking my mouth as he starts to move again.

The tension is rebuilding, and Edward shifts my left leg over his hip and uses his arm to brace himself against the mattress. He brings his left hand to my hip, and begins to massage it, trying to rub away the lingering ache.

The gesture is so sweet and caring and so Edward. I can't lose him. I should just tell him I want more. I want to be _the_ one. I want him to choose me. But he won't, because I know I'm just a convenient fuck since she walked out on him for her new job.

I gasp, desperately trying to hold back tears when I think of everything I'll lose when he chooses her.

Edward mistakes my rapid breathing as a sign that I'm close. "You're close. Touch yourself, Baby."

He only calls me 'Baby' in his sleep or in the throes. I want it. I want it so bad. The dam burst, and I start to sob uncontrollably.

Edward pulls completely out, and sits back on his haunches between my legs. "What the fuck?"

I roll over to my side and hide my bawling eyes behind my hands.

"What in the hell is going on, Bella? There is something definitely up."

I reach for one of the pillows and cover my head. I can still hear Edward's muffled pleas.

"Bella!"

His shout is amplified as the pillow is ripped from my hands. I reach for another, but Edward grabs it and throws it across the room. He pulls the rest of the pillows off the bed and throws them into the pile on the floor. I have nowhere else to hide.

He grabs my forearms and rolls me back on my back pulling my hands away from my face.

"It's just work!" I shout between sobs.

"Bullshit," he says matter -of -factly. "Work doesn't make you bawl mid-coitus."

I sit up, scooting myself to lean against the headboard, bringing my knees to my chest.

"Mid-coitus? Do you have to be so clinical Edward? Oh wait, you do." He does because this isn't emotional to him. I'm just an ends to a sexual need for him. I'm barely better than a blow up doll to him.

"Fine," he snaps. "Work doesn't make you cry mid-fuck. Is that better?"

"Pfft…." I lift my head from my knees. "It is work."

He moves to sit right in front of me. "Bella, it can't be. It's something between us. I've felt it for weeks. Please talk to me."

I sniff, wiping my eyes so I can look at him. "We have a new account exec at work."

Anger flashes on Edwards face. "Has…has he been inappropriate with you? Did he touch you?"

I shake my head slowly, and then look into his eyes. This is it. This is the moment when my world collapses. I take a deep breath and blow it out slowly. "It's Lauren."

"Lauren?" Edward's face is completely blank.

"Lauren," I nod my head. "She transferred back from Chicago. Now you can get back together and go off and get married and have babies in the suburbs." My voice cracks as a new wave of sobs hit me.

Edward looks confused. "Bella…"

"I'm giving you my thirty day notice. I'm moving out."

"Bella…"

"Edward, I can't stay. I can't just move back into my bedroom and pretend none of this happened. I can't be on the other side of this wall when you…when you…I just can't"

Edward smiles. I just ripped my heart out and he's just sitting there naked, grinning at the thought of having Lauren again. I want to hit him. I want to punch him. I kick him with the heel of my foot.

"Ouch," he complains. "That fucking hurt."

"So does you sitting naked with me on this bed getting a hard on for Lauren."

We both glance at his semi hard dick.

He looks back up at me, "You're jealous."

"Shut up."

"You are. And not just in a "I like your cock" way. You jealous of it all. The wedding, the babies, even the fucking subs."

I scoff at him, but we both know it's true.

"Can I ask you something? Is it those things you're jealous of or…"

I shake my head.

"Or is it those things with me?"

I nod and hide my face in my knees.

Edward leans towards me and takes my face in his hands. His thumbs brush over my cheek bones, and he waits until I looks into my eyes before he says, "Bella Swan, I have loved you for longer than I can remember, but I know the very moment I knew I was in love with you."

Edward kisses the newly fallen tears from my cheeks.

"Lauren asked me to go to Chicago with her. That's when I knew I'd rather lose her a hundred times than be without you for one day."

"Two years?"

He nods. "Two fucking fantastic years."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"You weren't ready. You had me compartmentalized in this best friend section of your life. And when we started sleeping together, you had us in the weird limbo where we were together, but we were with other people. I was afraid to spook you."

I though back to when we first starting having sex, and even when I moved into his bedroom, and I'm not sure how I would have handled him asking for more. I don't know how much of that was because it never occurred to me that he could ever want more from me, that he'd choose me, that he'd already chosen me. I never knew Lauren had asked Edward to follow her. I thought he was just hiding how deeply the breakup had affected him.

"I want _you_, Bella."

I thought of all the times I heard him say that before. I always thought that meant he wanted my body, but now I see the deeper meaning in every time he said it.

"I love you, Edward."

Edward's face breaks out in the most beautiful smile I've ever seen. "I'm in love with you Bella."

"Make love to me?"

"Every day, for the rest of my life."

* * *

Do I get the extra credit? Please?

Thank you for reading.

Thank you maxandmo for fixing it for me.


	4. Writing a Virgin Scene

**Smut University—Writing a Virgin Scene by opalaline**

Write a scene featuring two virgins – any pairing is fine, so long as both are virgins.

A million thanks to saltire884 for letting me pick her brain pick her old west brain and to maxandmo for betaing.

* * *

He looked up from his shoes when he heard his pa's greeting to the lady of the house, taking a moment to look around the fanciest room he'd ever seen. Gaslight fixtures flickered against wallpapered walls. The windows were draped in more fabric then he'd ever seen before, and in the front window, a red lantern glowed, telling all the true business of this boarding house.

"Miss Salty, aren't you a sight for sore eyes," his pa said with the warmth of meeting an old friend. She was unlike any lady Edward had ever seen. The only thing brighter than the flame orange coils piled atop her head were her deep red lips and blue eyelids. The fullness of her body, evidence of years of prosperity was highlighted by the shiny purple dress that bared her shoulders clear down to her décolleté. The hem of her skirt was pinned up to her knees. The young man had never seen a grown woman show so much of herself.

He wondered if his ma knew he was on such friendly terms with a painted lady. He twisted his hat in his hand as his pa continued to talk to the lady.

"Miss Salty, this is my boy," he said, clapping Edward on the back. "His ma sent him back east to her family to get an education, and now he's come back fully grown, with a fancy diploma and everything, but he still ain't a man."

"I can't take him home like that. He's twenty-one years old! He'll marry the first tottie he sees, just to get his willy wet."

"Don't worry, Cullen. We got just the girl to mature him," she said in a bawdy tone. "Let me ring the bell and call the girls to the line."

"Can you point him to one that can show him what to do? He's always been a mama's boy, I'm not sure he knows how to use it," his pa whispered loud enough for most of the girls lining up to hear.

"Don't worry. All our girls can make your boy a man," she shot back with a wink. "Go ahead, sonny, pick one."

Edward stood, frozen, looking at the line up of six or seven girls in varying state of dress, most with even more flesh showing than Miss Salty. Many of them were trying to lure him with lewd gestures. In the business of spreading their legs for strangers, a handsome young man made the job much easier.

"Go on, boy. No need to make a mash, they're all nannies."

Edward had spent the last five years living with his puritanical uncle, and attending Platt Academy, then Chicago Medical College. His studies left little time for calling on young ladies, not that the socialites in his uncle's circle were interested a poor relation from the Wild West.

That morning was the first time he'd seen his pa since he'd left the ranch when he was sixteen years old, though he received updates from his ma's quill. His pa acted as if a vital part of his education had been left undone because he hadn't copulated at will during his studies.

He looked at the girls again, they all seemed eager to bed him, but they were vulgar and unladylike, like common harlots. He scoffed internally. Of course they were. This was their livelihood, playing up to the licentious whims of their paying clientele.

All but one. She stayed off to the side a bit. She too was in her undergarments, but hers were more modest. Her white cotton camisole was fully buttoned and her petticoat swept the floor, like the ones he'd seen peeking out from under the skirts of proper ladies. Her dark hair was simply braided and twisted around itself, nothing like the complicated updos of the other ladies. She pulled her shawl tightly around her body, hiding it, asking to be unnoticed. She looked almost as uncomfortable as Edward did.

When her gaze met Edward's, he saw something in her brown eyes. She wasn't like these other soiled doves; she looked more like a displaced angel. He decided she was the one.

Edward looked from his pa to Miss Salty. "Do I just tell you which one I want?"

"You got it, cowboy," she said with a wink.

Edward pointed at his angel. The other girls mumbled their complaints over not being chosen, but Miss Salty quickly reminded them to save their moaning for the second floor.

Edward's pa spoke up, "How old is this girl, he looks just as green as he does."

Miss Salty eyed him for a moment. "She knows what she's doing, and she's got a passel of brats to prove it."

The girl blushed.

"Belle dear, take the younger Mr. Cullen up to the blue room, you 'all should be comfortable in there."

"Yes ma'am." She curtsied to the madam. "Please follow me Mr. Cullen," she said quietly as she motioned toward the staircase.

They entered the blue room, and she closed and locked the door behind them. "They have a key, umm if we take too long or they can't hear us, the box herder will come in."

She folded her shawl neatly over the vanity chair and made her way to the bed. "What would you like to do first?" she asked hesitantly.

Edward still hadn't moved from his spot. "I don't know, what normally comes first, Belle?" He liked the sound of her name.

"Bella. My name is actually Bella." She eyes were in her lap. "I umm…I don't know. You're my first customer."

"Would you like to kiss me?" she asked, patting the bed beside her.

Edward followed without thinking about it and sat next to her. He leaned across the distance and kissed her softly on the cheek. Her hands moved to the row of buttons down the front of her camisole.

Edward noticed her hands were trembling. He started to wonder what would make a pretty girl like Bella sell herself. Then, he thought of her kids. "Bella, are you married?" He wouldn't go through with it if she were. Marriage was sacred, and even if she didn't believe it was; he did.

She shook her head.

"Did he die?"

She bit her lip, shaking it again.

His eyebrows furrowed. If she'd never done this before, and she wasn't married, where is her children's father, or fathers?

"I don't understand. Where is your kid's pa?"

Tears brimmed in her eyes; she tried to brush them away. "He died last winter. So did our ma."

"You mean the passel of brats isn't yours?" Edward sank back onto the bed.

"They are now," she scoffed. "They're not a passel, just my two little brothers."

"Salty thought they were mine. It meant I didn't have to lay with the box herder to prove myself."

Edward rose and started to pace. "Didn't your parent's leave you any land? Some other way to support yourself and your brothers?"

Bella was taken aback by the hiss in his voice. She shook her head. "I went to teacher's college before they died. But no one wants a teacher that comes with kids. And it doesn't pay enough even if they did.

"How much do you make doing this?"

"A dollar fifty each time."

"A dollar fifty! My pa paid four dollars."

"Shhh, I told you, they listen. Can we just get this over with?"

"I'm sorry," he whispered, sitting next to her again, "How do you only get a dollar fifty?"

That's the way it works," she shrugged, "The house gets half, and I have to pay to use this room, which is four bits."

"But can't you…"

She shook her head. The most I can hope for is to feed and clothe the boys until they come of age and hopefully can move somewhere else were they aren't tainted by me."

"But you aren't tainted. Not yet."

"I will be, and if it's not by you, then it'll be the next person with four dollars."

Bella sidled closer to him, she ran her fingers though his hair and kissed his cheek.

Against his own will, his body responded.

"Isn't there anything else you could do?" he asked before an idea popped into his head, "You can marry me. I'm setting up a clinic in Forks. That's where I'm from."

"I signed a contract. The boarding house owns me for the next seven years."

"But…"

Bella needed to distract him. She slipped her small hand between his thighs, rubbing his bulge. "Please stop trying to save me. I'm not worth it."

Edward moaned as her kisses moved to his mouth and her hands moved to pull the shirt out of his waistband. Without thinking, Edward managed to twist himself until he was hovering over Bella. "Are you sure, Bella?"

She nodded, "You are so kind, Mr. Cullen, I want it to be with you."

"Edward, my rightful name is Edward."

Bella smiled up at him and his heart skittered. "Take me, Edward."

Her words went straight to his groin, and he lowered himself to lay on her. She spread her legs further apart to accept him, and he pushed against her. His breathing came quicker, and the bedsprings made a hideous screech.

Bella laid flat, crushed against his weight. Her hands at her side flexed gently with the unexpected delight she felt as he pushed against her.

"Oh…Bella, Bella, Bella…oh Bella."

His chants made her feel beautiful and wanted, and cherished; and not like the whore the act was making her.

She called his name several times before he even heard her, but he opened his eyes and looked down at her beautiful, dewy face.

"I think you're supposed to take your trousers off," she reddened at her own forwardness.

He blushed too, as he climbed off her and unshucked his breeches and drawers, and pulled his shirt over his head without bothering about the buttons.

In no time, he was back on the bed, settling between her legs. Bella didn't have the courage to look at his natural form and stared at the wall, as she pulled the skirt of her petticoat up to her waist.

Edward bucked against her, and she gasped at the sharper thrills that flooded her body. Her eyes flew open to see Edward's adoring gaze, and she couldn't look away.

"Can I kiss you?" he asked without breaking his rhythm. She nodded and kissed her cheeks repeatedly.

She watched sweat break out across his brow, and his face contort with each grunt as he pushed her deeper and deeper into the mattress.

Edward's hands grasped her legs, pulling them father apart, allowing him to lengthen his strokes. He groaned loudly when he finally entered her, but it wasn't loud enough to cover Bella's surprised shriek.

Edward stilled his pace and paled when he saw Bella's wince.

"I hurt you," he said as he braced himself on his elbows and moved to withdrawal his offending part.

Bella reached for his shoulders, halting his movements, "Don't move. Please," she begged though gritted teeth.

"I knew I should have resisted temptation. This is my punishment; I've hurt a sweet angel. And my soul shall never be free of the burden."

"You are a sweet man, but I'm no angel." She held his cheek in her palm, hoping that he'd believe her.

"I think I just needed a spell to adjust to the intrusion," she said, moving beneath him.

He kissed her cheek again, whispering, "You _are_ an angel," as he followed her lead and pushed tentatively into her.

"Does it hurt?"

Bella shook her head. Edward pumped in and out of her, burying his face in her neck, muffling his grunts. His hot breaths on her neck came quicker and the bedsprings squeaked louder. Having him inside her didn't feel bad; but it wasn't the same excitement she felt before, either.

He began to whisper her name again, "Bella…oh…my angel…Bella…"

His thrust came more forcefully, and he lifted his face to the ceiling and roared out his final groan before collapsing on her.

He laid atop her, unmoving and unintentionally crushing her. When he finally stirred and slipped from her body, he sighed disappointedly, already lamenting his loss.

He kissed her cheek, her neck, and the sliver of her chest that showed above the neckline of the camisole she never managed to unbutton.

"I love you angel," he whispered, over and over again, between kisses.

"I'm sure you think you do, but that's just your ecstasy talking."

Edward shook his head, sure his feelings were real.

Three sharp wraps at the door startled the two of them. "Time's up, stud," he heard Miss Salty yell though the door.

Bella excused herself to clean up, and Edward dressed and descended the stairs a man.

His pa was grinning ear to ear at the foot of the stairs. As Edward's foot settled on the landing, he clapped him on the shoulders, "Three times!," he exclaimed, "I knew you had it in you, you take after your old man."

Edward's head tilted in confusion and his furrowed brow silently begged for an explanation.

"The box herder, he said you made those squeaky bedsprings sing three times!"

Edward blushed.

"Pa, I want to marry her and bring her home."

His pa looked back at him, shocked, as much from the sudden change of subject as the message itself.

"Edward," he said sternly, "Everyone one thinks they fall in love with their first soiled dove. It'll pass."

"No."

"Edward, you may have your fancy diploma, but I'm still your pa. Don't you forget it."

"I haven't forgotten, sir. But I'm not leaving without her," Edward said steadfastly.

His pa stepped up, so that they stood toe to toe. They glared at each other, neither of them backing down. Edward added, "I wasn't asking your permission. I'd hoped for your support though."

In that moment, his pa realized he wasn't dealing with the boy he's sent away to Chicago, he had come back a man, even before he went up those stairs. He could see in his posture and in his expression that Edward was wasn't going to back down.

His eyes narrowed, "You would really bring a soiled dove home to you ma?"

"She ain't a soiled dove," Edward growled menacingly, slipping for the first time out of the more sophisticated speech he'd picked up in the city.

"My billfold is four dollars lighter that says otherwise."

Edward sighed deeply and recounted what Bella had told him about her parents and brothers.

"Are you sure, girls of the line are well known for spinning a tale to fit their needs."

Edward growled at the reference and his pa patted his shoulder to calm him.

"Here's the thing, Edward," his pa spoke in a hushed whisper, "They aren't going to let her just walk out of here. By their standards, she's still a virgin and will be for the next month at least. Every miner and cowboy in the county is going to want a piece of her."

Edward snarled again.

"You quit growling at me like a bear," his pa said sternly. "I'm just stating a fact. The boarding house ain't going give up all that tin."

"Are you sure about this?"

Edward simply nodded.

"Okay, go hitch up the team and have the wagon loaded up and ready to high tail it out of town. I'm going to start a commotion, as soon as you see her in the street, put her in the wagon, and we'll get going. We'll figure out how to get her brothers when she's in the wagon."

Edward nodded again, turned on his heel and headed for the livery.

"Miss Salty," his pa bellowed loudly. "I was thinking, do you happen to know of a way I might procure some Tarantula Juice before I head home?"

"I think we might be able to work something out," she replied with a greedy smile.

Edward had the team at the ready, and impatiently tapped his foot in dust waiting for some sort of commotion.

He saw his pa hurry across the street, but nothing else was happening. His anger grew, thinking his pa might have crossed him, before he could confront him, his pa barked, "I'll drive, you find your girl and get her back to the wagon," as he climbed onto the bench.

Edward looked around the street, utterly confused when he heard a blood curdling scream, "Fire!"

* * *

**Tottie** - A fast girl.

**Make a Mash** - Make a hit, impress someone. (Usually a female.) "Buck's tryin' to make a mash on that new girl."

**Nanny** - A prostitute.

**Soiled Dove** - Prostitute.

**Box Herder** - The person in charge of the "girls" at a brothel or saloon. Their job was to keep the "ladies" in line.

**Tarantula Juice** - Cheap whiskey.


	5. Spanking the Monkey

**Smut University—Spanking the Monkey by BellaFlan**

Write any kind of masturbation scene, as long as it's outside of your comfort zone. Remember to describe what your character is thinking and feeling (using as few adverbs as possible). There should be at least one reference to Cornflakes.

This is dedicated to vRSoup because #agirlcanwish and #push

Also, lotion is not lube. But this Jacob doesn't care.

* * *

I toss my keys and phone on the table as I close the door. Another text alert sounds. I don't even bother. They're all the same.

-Dude – where R U

-Come back, I think Leah is into you.

-Bet she'd slob your knob.

-Did u leave with the blondie? U bumping uglies?

-R U off being a pussy U should B here getting pussy

-Fuck Bella. She's not one of us.

Every night, it's always the same from Quil and Embry. They think I just need to get my dick wet to forget about Bella. I wish I could tell them it's not Bella; it hasn't been Bella for a long time.

I don't even turn the lights on. I just flop in my recliner and sit in the dark. Why can't I just tell them all the truth?

I'm a chicken shit and I lost _him_ because of it. But Sam should understand. He thinks it should be easier for me. Easier because he already did it. He was the first one in the tribe to come out publicly and it should be easier for me since I had him to show me the way. But I still couldn't do it. I couldn't even tell my dad or sisters. And I lost him because of it.

He said he didn't struggle through figuring out his own sexuality so he could be forced back in the closet because I was ashamed of mine.

_Why couldn't I?_ I'm in love with Sam. _Why is it easier of me to pretend I'm mooning over Bella?_ Because our dads are friends? Because she's "perfect" for me? Because she's a girl? And she would never choose me over Cullen. And I never have to let her down by admitting I'd rather have her pretty boy around my dick than her. She's safe. And I'm alone because I am a pussy.

If I could just take one step, just tell my dad, Sam would be here with me. His strong arms would be around me and his muscled body would be around mine.

I close my eyes and remembered. I remembered the first time he kissed me. His large hand cupped the back of my head and pulled me to him. His mouth was forceful and teased me with what he, as a man, had to offer. He broke our kiss but still held the back of my head. His warm cinnamon eyes bore into mine as we stood toe to toe, heaving chest to heaving chest, and he said, "I want you." That was _the moment, _the moment that erased all doubt in my mind because all I wanted was to be his.

My hand drifted to the bulge in my pants. Thinking of Sam's body had me harder than I could have ever gotten in the bar full of barely dressed women. I roughly pressed into it with heel of my hand before I lost patience and tore at the button and zipper of my jeans. I shoved my jeans and shorts down just far enough for my cock to spring free. He remembered Sam too. He remembered Sam's warm mouth, his firm hand.

I stroked myself gently a few times and squeezed as hard as I could as I felt myself grow even harder. Sam loved this part, he loved to hold me as I grew longer and thicker and harder for him. My hips jerked, begging my own hand to move. And it did. It wasn't the frenzied push and pull that I used when I was younger and I just needed to release the tension building in my gut. This was slower, and more teasing; like Sam would do when he reached around me and played with me until I came.

My hand squeezed harder as I stroked up, bringing my foreskin over the head, pausing every third or fourth stroke to dip my finger in the fold and tap on my head. I could hear Sam's chuckle as I reacted to unexpected sensation. My fist slammed back down, pressing by balls against my body. My thighs quivered as I reached for them with my other hand, fondling in the same rhythm of my cock-filled hand.

A moan escaped my lips as I remembered Sam's gruff voice growling in my ear, "You like that? You like your balls in my hand? You like my hand on your dick?" I squeezed myself as hard as I could, groaning at the memory and the feeling.

His jaw was pressed against my neck, just below my ear and his lips brushed my earlobe as he continued, "I can't decide what I like more, your dick in my hand, or my dick in your ass." I gasped aloud to the empty room; I could almost feel his foot pushing mine out, spreading me wider.

I squeezed my eyes closed, desperate to hold onto the memory and immediately released myself, pushing against the recliner's footrest to lift my hips. I shoved my pants down and flung them off my legs, freeing myself to live the memory.

The tremble in my thighs moved higher, closer to my need, and I was so fucking close. I planted my heels on the outer edges of the footrest and leaned back into the cushion, arching as I re-fisted myself.

"That's right baby, you play with yourself; I have something better to do with my hands." The end of his belt brushed against my lower back as he dropped his pants and stepped out of them.

I tried to slow my frenetic rhythm as he reminded me, "The faster you go, the slower I do," and exaggerated his example.

I opened my eyes to watch my tip disappear and reappear in my hand, over and over

He looked over my shoulder, watching too. His grip tightened on my balls every time my head peeked out of my fist, and his rough, dirty voice grunted, "I'll bet that's just what the other side of your hole looks like when I'm pounding into you." He thrust his hips against my cheeks for emphasis and I quickened my pace.

Sliding my hand over myself faster and faster, I uncupped my nuts and blindly reached for the lotion on the end table. One, two, three pumps before I pushed down on it so hard it fell off the table. I slathered the lotion onto my hip and rolled my fingers, coating all four of them.

Still pulling on my junk frantically, I lifted off the recliner, and moved my hand behind me. I wanted to feel Sam again. I wanted to feel his huge cock in my ass. I wanted to feel his taught stomach muscles flex against my backside. I wanted his thighs slapping against mine. I wanted his arms around me. I just fucking wanted him.

I slipped one finger in, then another. Arching even further of the recliner, I did even care that they neighbors might hear my grunting moans or the higher pitched keening I couldn't keep to myself.

My eyes slammed closed, little traces of light formed behind my eyelids. I was close, the pressure too much to bear, but I wanted more. Another finger joined and I rotated them, pushing them deeper. I jerked on my dick harder and faster as I turned my hand, stretching myself. I needed that last finger inside me. Then, maybe then, I would feel half as much as I did with Sam.

The tip of my pinkie brushed the rim and pushed in, I clinched around my invading fingers as milked my cock, the tension releasing in a quick succession of spurts. Stars shot across my vision and rapid panting settled back into my normal respirations.

I awoke sprawled out on my recliner with cum on my shirt, half-dried lotion on my fingers and my pants hanging from one leg.

After a quick shower, I pulled on a clean pair of sweats and walked to the kitchen to pour myself a big bowl of cornflakes, retrieving my phone on the way. I ignored the predictable texts from Quil and Embry, and I fired identical texts off to both of my sisters.

-Lunch at dad's today. Please come. It's important.

I was over pretending I took some nameless chick home so I didn't have to admit I'd rather come home and jerk off to Sam's memory. I was done pretending to be forlorn over Bella Swan. And I was done hanging out with the boys.

I was ready to be a man. I was ready to go get my man back.

* * *

Thank you for making it all the way though my first (and probably last) attempt at slash. I'd love to know what you think about it though.

I was going to opt out of this assignment. Two of my four o/s have wank scenes, and Jack and Jill is nothing but a wank scene; and I had trouble thinking of something "out of my comfort zone" But Soupy has been asking me try non-canon and even suggested Edward and Jake. I couldn't do that to Bella, but I totally could to Jake. This fit nicely with my theory that Sam being the first in the pack to "phase" is an allegory for him being the first in his tribe to come out.


	6. Realism in Fic

**Smut University—Realism in Fic by SexyLexiCullen**

Draw from a personal sexual experience – good, bad, or ugly – and write it out. Bring yourself back to that moment and try to express your own feelings.

I was going to skip this one, but I just couldn't; so here it is, in true 100 word drabble form.

Reality sucks, do you want to see why?

* * *

"Oh god, Edward..Keep…oh…make me…make me come." I pant into his ear.

He grunts with his trust as his body slams into mine, over and over.

"Oh god."

I feel something cold and wet press into my leg.

"Oh my god."

"I know baby, so fucking good."

"Edward…"

He grunts harder and pushes into me harder.

"No..Edward…ungh…Edward…Edward."

His kisses are hot and fervid on my neck and shoulder.

"Edward!" I shout to get his attention. "Your dog…"

His pace does not alter. "He likes to watch."

"What the fuck?"

Edward laughs, "You called him."

"What?"

"Yeah, you said, 'come'; he came."


End file.
